My Struggle With Body Dysmorphia

Hello everyone! I decided to write a blog post about why I started to blog. I thought that having an unhealthy obsession with cosmetics and the way I look was making myself feel worse so I decided to make it a hobby that transformed my obsession into something fun!

What Is Body Dysmorphia?

First of all, if you don't know what Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is, I shall explain briefly here. In my own words, it's an unhealthy obsession with the way that you look. It's not vain, conceited or narcissism, it's a consuming chain of thoughts and behaviours that focus on the way that you look. Almost everyone has things they don't like about themselves, but people with BDD are obsessed by these little things and often-times feel that these tiny flaws are worse than they are. For example, I thought my acne scars were really horrific and noticeable and wouldn't even consider going to the shop downstairs without a full face of make-up because I was worried people would judge me for the way I look.

I don't want to blather on too much about the definition of BDD, because I'm not a professional. If you want more information, these websites make good reading:

• Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation
• NHS
• Anxiety and Depression Association of America
• Mind

How BDD Affected Me

Thinking I was ugly and different from everyone else, I decided not to go to prom and any parties, ever since I was 16. I don't like drinking much anyway, but I have more often than not declined any invitations to social gatherings, thinking I'm "too ugly" compared to all the other girls there. I thought I had dark red acne scars, a big nose, disgusting undereye circles, dull skin, totally blatant stretch marks and fat thighs. I was afraid that people would judge me because of the way I looked, and I was scared of any photos being taken.

It was truly crippling and made me anxious around people and public places. I wouldn't go out without a face full of make-up, not even to simply get a parcel from the lobby downstairs. I hated it.

Now, however, after my CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) sessions: I feel so much better. I take more selfies (I feel so weird saying this in a serious post!) and allow people to take photos of me. I don't have to go anywhere without a face full of makeup! I can wear tinted moisturiser instead of thick foundation that was too dark (I believed it covered up spots and made me look better). I can sit on a bus without making myself ill with worry. I will even go out with people! Taking control of thoughts here is key. You may think that, if you hate the way you look, you should change yourself: as I once did. However, you should really focus on the underlying thoughts that are perpetuating the way you perceive yourself.

Techniques I Learnt That Can Help You!

If you get worried about how you look, or think you might/do suffer from BDD, then I can relay to you all what techniques I used in CBT, and continue to use to make myself feel better about the way I look. Unhelpful thoughts can perpetuate your negative perception of yourself, and it helps to be aware of them.

Note: I AM NOT A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL. I AM ONLY RELAYING INFORMATION. I DO NOT CLAIM TO BE ABLE TO 'CURE' ANYONE. I AM SIMPLY RELAYING INFORMATION.

Naming Your Thoughts

Unhelpful thoughts can perpetuate your negative perception of yourself, and it helps to be aware of them. Click here to be taken to an external self-help site, which my therapist used for me. Making a physical note of these thoughts and when they happen, naming and realising the occurrence of these thoughts can help you stop them.

I thought that the negative thought 'compare and despair' was the most prevalent for me. I would often compare myself to other people in the street, along with celebrities. I thought I should mention that it's unhealthy to do this. You do not have to look 'flawless' to be beautiful. Everyone has 'flaws' and often-times, they are not noticeable to anyone but you. :)

Watch Thoughts Flow By

I thought it sounded so cliché, but this technique really helped me get better! Not listening to your unhelpful thoughts and letting them pass is truly helpful. You simply imagine them being washed down a stream, away from when you're standing on the bank and let the thought leave you.

How My Blog Helps Me

I love blogging (after only a month!) because it's helped me be healthy when it comes to beauty. I no longer obsess, but make it into a hobby. I can interact with other people with the same mindset and interests and talk to them in a healthy and happy way. I enjoy writing my blog and telling you all about my experiences. 

With this in mind, I urge anyone that feels they have might have BDD, and is getting them down, to seek medical help. It's so relieving.

Thank you for reading, if you made it this far!